Almost there…

So now the countdown begins… I begin my new law program on Sunday July 9. Part of me is nervous and scared…1.) I’ll be away from my boyfriend/best friend for near about a month. I’ll still be able to see and hang out with him, but nothing beats going to sleep next to and waking up next to him. The fact that we are kind of recovering from a slip up is another big blow too….. This absence will definitely be felt and I think I am anxious about this. My family is super excited about me going to this program and I don’t want anything messing me up.

For all of my followers, those of you who still check up on my blog from time to time, I want to say this to you…..no matter what you go through in life, the calm is ALWAYS AFTER THE STORM. I know you may feel like the battle is never ending… trust me….I sometimes feel like I’m in the same rut, but however, the promises God has presented me with and the things that I know help me get through some of the toughest times in my life. I pray that you find the peace you need to heal from whatever infraction that has made its way in your life. I pray that you never fear the wonderful opportunities coming your way. I pray that you embrace every opportunity with open arms and just love those who truly love you because why? Sometimes its easier to love when people are loving you. There is one thing I have learned being 23… things don’t always come easy. People don’t always appear as they seem. The older you get, the more your preferences change and the more you lose friends close to you, but just know that all of this is ok.

I want to say this following prayer for all of you who may be struggling.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray that You uplift the person reading this blog. I PRAY THAT THEY FIND PEACE AND JOY AND HAPPINESS IN YOU. I pray that You allow them to walk in a spirit of favor unlike anything ever experienced before. Although I pray the same for myself, I would be selfish to not extend this prayer to anyone else. I pray that the person who is reading this knows that in order to live the life You have planned for them, they must sow seeds of joy and peace and happiness and not seeds of doubt, mistrust or any other factor that drives a wedge between them and You. God, I pray that no matter what happens through this season of 2017, I pray that you continue to work on me and the person reading this. I pray that You protect my heart and allow me to understand when things are no longer in my season anymore. I pray for discernment to know when to let things go yet I also pray for patience to wait the storm out instead of begging You to calm it before my time. The same part of this prayer is prayed for those reading this as well. God, we need you every minute of everyday and I want You continue to keep us under Your arc of safety. As your daughters and sons, this prayer I ask in Your Precious Son Jesus Christ’s name…

Amen ❤

I’m learning…..

July 10th is right around the corner…. for some it may not be a big deal but for me it means everything because……. I am coming up so close to another year. Another year older and another year wiser. God isn’t through with me yet and I am grateful for that. 23 has been harddddddddd… you have no idea. This year was the rockiest for me because I’ve had the opportunity to be in a relationship with a MAN and not a boy. This relationship has proven to be challenging for me because I’VE NEVER had the opportunity to just be the girlfriend in the relationship. Before, I’ve always had to control everything; the situation had to be under my thumb. I had to take care of others instead of just focusing on me. This relationship has me clashing with my significant other. I’ve been presented with many instances that probably would have rocked me to my core IF I WOULD HAVE ALLOWED IT. I’m super sensitive and that is something I need to learn how to control.

My boyfriend and I have gone through hell and back and still there…… sometimes I FEEL WE ARE IMPRISONED IN THE PITS OF EMOTIONAL HELL only because we have both allowed outside factors to affect us and our togetherness. There are moments when I want to grab him and protect him from anything that would hurt him and then there are are times when I want him to do the same. But the thing is, how do you get a point across without being hostile or hurtful towards the one you love?

Its hard thinking you may have to let go of something you’ve put so much effort into, but at the same time, you realize that if GOD BRINGS YOU TO IT, HE WILL BRING YOU THROUGH IT.

I know God wouldn’t allow me to go through such emotional pain without there being a reason right? I mean its like the more I CRY THE MORE MY EMOTIONAL OCEAN OVERFLOWS. You don’t ever want to think that God forgets you but then sometimes I feel like He does… Sometimes I feel like I’m going against the weight of this world alone. I compare myself to other women sometimes… I ‘m not flashy and I don’t need attention, but it seems the righteous are always the one who endures the injustice while the wicked prosper. I just wanna be happy. I want a healthy and a happy relationship… One that is deconstructed and shielded by the love of God. I pray that those of you who are following me understand what I am saying. Your current storm will not last forever…….. I see the calm after the storm and its coming pretty soon!!! ❤

I am only human….. and I have limits. Take the flaws and work with me, or don’t take any of me at all. We are what we think we are and we can be only what we allow ourselves to be. I forgive myself for all INFRACTIONS I’ve ever committed against myself and others. Forgiveness will always be for ME and not for the person I want to forgive me and no matter what……………… I have a plan and I am the conqueror that will overcome… We reap what we sow. Always so we need to make sure that the seeds we are sowing are the fruits that we wouldn’t mind reaping ❤

that is enough

I get I am the bad person here! I understand it. I also know that as a man, you want your cake and you want to eat it too. Are you not aware that I don’t have to put up with anything you bring to the table? Has it ever crossed your mind that as a 23 year old, I am free to do as I please, but still I subjected myself to follow behind you as a leader? I know many things about you.. things i know you aren’t proud of but one thing I will never do is hold you to your past. So why did you do me that way?

You feel you can find better? HA!!!! BE MY GUEST! Maybe it is good for you to find someone your age and to be honest, after going through HELL it is probably best. Do i LOVE YOU? YES! HAVE I MESSED OFF ON YOU? NEVER! HAVE I THOUGHT ABOUT IT? NOT ONCE!

You seriously don’t understand  the type of woman I am and now I truly see there is a deeper problem other than it just being lies. I DON’T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU FEEL YOU DON’T KNOW THE REAL ME OR NOT………. I have been told that i shouldn’t tell you everything and i regretted even mentioning my Facebook information because that shit started all of this.. How could I know that being so honest would lead me here to this point? That being so open would influence this schism we have now which has ultimately ended our relationship?

They say in order to move forward, you must go forth wholeheartedly and I feel I have addressed my wrongs, “Ate that shit as a woman” and put forth the effort to get it back on track. I am not perfect, but I am doing the very best I can and will forever do the very best i can. If you can’t see that, then know that there is another man out there who does. Your mind is your weakness and that is your problem. No one is saying that you shouldn’t look into things, but to allow it to consume a majority of your life is ridiculous. HOWEVER I AM VERY RELIEVED THAT YOU CALLED THIS OFF BECAUSE NOW I CAN FINALLY HAVE PEACE. I DON’T HAVE TO REASSURE YOU THAT I AM TAKING A BATH OR GETTING A SNACK. I don’t have to feel bad when martha or candy text me while i am on the phone with you. no more screenshots….no more arguing my point…. no more tears.

When is it ok?

It’s my fault for slacking on my writing. I haven’t posted on this blog in a little over a year if not close. This blog started off as my baby; the one thing that could keep my mind straight especially when I was going through some things. Since the last post, many things have changed and some for the better. I am super close to getting my degree and even closer than that to finally figuring out what I want to do. Relationships DO NOT work out for me, so I have made the ultimate decision to just remain single and if I am ready to date then that is ok as well. I tried different relationships and every single one has failed. I pushed all my friends away and the only friends I really do have are those who don’t live anywhere near me. I have focused on my self and I am definitely stepping out of my box. I am speaking at a conference and then again, I have been asked to speak at other occasions as well so maybe being a professional speaker is somewhere on my agenda haha.

 

I’ve thought about a lot. I’ve considered many other things as well, but one thing i DO KNOW FOR SURE…….It is not ok to feel this way I have been feeling. These emotions have been given to me by God and I ave heeded the red flags and flashing lights. I have gathered together many different ideas and I am hoping to push forth on all. Friends I thought I had are only there to benefit themselves. Even friends who I thought I would have forever pushed away from me and since I started nothing that, I helped to speed the process and moved them further along.

 

I pray that things look up for me. I am done feeling down and hoping for others to rescue me. But this is my warning….. when I am done with you… I AM DONE. I will cut you off completely and move forward with my life. Success comes from MY HARD work and not validation from any of you. I have all I need and that is the most important thing.

 

Cee

WHY?!?!!

I haven’t written a post in months and for that I am truly sorry! I need to learn to perfect my craft and keep at it but everything has been a whirlwind and it has been crazy as all get out.

UPDATE: UGH DO I EVEN WANT TO UPDATE YOU ALL?!!?!?!!?!?!?

NO.

So  I will talk mostly about my schooling and the plans afterwards. So I start classes back next Wednesday and I can’t wait to finally jump back into it!!! I am a junior this year and so ready for the end!

To Ryan

It’s crazy how God brought us together at the same time we were going through the same situation. Whenever I felt low, you swooped in and picked me right back up.  You told me what I needed to hear yet you complimented the hell out of me.

You trusted me around your kids and even called us a family. I was beyond excited to see where we were going next although you would joke and say we weren’t getting serious.

I talked to you three times before “it” happened and you always seemed to be in high spirits. I ask myself constantly what could have gone wrong. What if you stayed at home a little longer or what if that red light would have stopped you.

You thought I didn’t hear when you told me you loved me earlier that day and I know you heard me when I said it back.

Ryan………… the thought of trying to find someone else just like you is unbearable. I can truly say I’ve lost the love of my life TWICE within one month. Maybe there is something I need to reevaluate. I don’t really know.

I’m sure you are a beautiful angel. You were so right about everything. It’s crazy how you said you wouldn’t be here always. It’s as if you knew what would happen. You prepared me for this point however you didn’t prepare me for life afterwards.

Love, thank you so much for what you taught me. You taught me that love would always find me and that I never had to search for it on my own. You taught me to understand that our situations were what made us stronger and that having a bitterness in my heart would make it hard for anybody to love me in the future. You joked about how we would be famous one day and have our exes working for us. But there is one thing I  always admired about you…..

You never bashed anyone within our situation. Never. And I admired you for that. You always spoke kind words about both and even created playful and colorful  reasons as to why everything happened (disco ball lips and MJ zombie fever) Your children had the most amazing dad ever and I thank you for occupying the time you had in my life.

I will always love you to infinity and beyond…

–》♡chermaine

OK!!! HERE WE GO!

I will officially be conducting interviews for a publicist /manager position for me. Please note that this position will have you relocate with me!!! So please keep that in mind!!! Other than that apply!!!!!

What if..

Ugh hunny…………I know the feeling. I have been there… more times than I can count. The feelings, the anxiety and everything inbetween is enough to drive you to a mental asylum. I am going to TRY MY BEST to help you out with this situation. It is such a sensitive topic and if you don’t mind I am going to add in some personal details THAT I WENT through. I appreciate you for asking me this question and I will not let you down. I promise ❤

chelseapainsly

A miscarriage is involved? Hi Cee. I was recommended to follow your blog site from one of my friends. She said you give great advice and I was hoping that you could help me out with my situation. I’ve tried professional help but it is really expensive and so this is my last resort.

My ex and I were together for 5 years. This past year we experienced a miscarriage around 5 months. It was the hardest thing to ever deal with. He turned to drinking and I turned to other people. Recently he just decided that maybe we should be friends. I know he is dating another woman and I think they are super serious? I am not too sure about that. I am disappointed because he made it seem as if it is my fault that the miscarriage happened and that he is in the arms of another…

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GHETTO ASS PICK UP LINES….

If you read the comments on the last post then you all are aware that I have been given the ok to create an advice column. Currently it is in the beginning stages, but in order to give you an idea of what the column will be about, I will randomly post blogs on here about what the column will be about for now.

Today, my column will be about GHETTO ASS PICK UP LINES…

MEN. PLEASE. STOP. It is embarrassing enough to have you stop us in front of your friends to make fools out of us, but in all just stop.

Here are the craziest pickup lines to ever have been said to me. The locations range from sitting in the classroom,walking  to the library, walking from my car, walking from the bathroom and everything else inbetween.

HERE THEY GO:

-Oh. My. God. I know Jesus is angry. He accidentally let an angel slip from His grasp huh? You must know you stayin on earth? You ain’t got yo halo or your wings.

-Damn. You got a man? If you did I am sure he would be here all up on you. But since that spot is open let me protect you and let me show you what life is really like?

-Hey you want to come over to the dorm so we can study. My roommate will be there so its not like we can do anything? (<——— Are you seriously trying to set me up for a possible rape situation?)

-Lotus flower bomb.. you smell good and are the prettiest lotus I’ve ever seen.

-Would you like to come over to my apartment? I am one good ass cook. Whatever you want I can make for you! (<—- another possible rape situation? Do I look stupid to you?)

-Damn girl your ass is bigger than my future.

-Your shirt is clearly boyfriend material.

-Hey Beyonce!!!! (I turn around) Oh damn, you looked just like her from the back. I can be your Jay-Z or your Drake… it doesn’t matter.

-I think we would have beautiful kids? Are you mixed?????? (If the guy is dark and he sees a light skinned girl then he AUTOMATICALLY THINKS he will have a lightskinned child not knowing that his dark ass genes are most likely DOMINANT)

-You like sleeping? Me too we should so do it together sometime.

-I don’t believe in sex though unless it is with an angel (How many girls have you said this to?)

-Wow Chermaine! That name sounds amazing with my last name.

-Jesus must love me because I have prayed for YOU and here you are.

TRUST ME THERE ARE MORE but my head hurts. I’m done.